Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
