brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize