I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize