Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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