i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
