I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
