Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
