Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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