I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize