3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize