Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
