she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
