Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
