Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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