i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I enjoy the company of your penis
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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