im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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