I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
50% drunk capacity currently
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize