totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
