I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
