So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
