he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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