and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
