There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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