Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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