i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He better not be in your backpack
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
