Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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