I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
