god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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