Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
