Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
