porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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