so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize