im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
