whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize