guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
