Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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