If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
