You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
