Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
