I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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