First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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