So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
