Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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