I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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