he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your cock deserves a montage
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
