6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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