I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
