I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
