she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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