I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
