Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
