Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
