I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
