so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
