Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Green mimosas i think yes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
