yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
