he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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