Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
