every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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