that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
