am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
