Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
