You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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