So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
